We can’t dismiss the impact of grief, depression and other conditions that affect our mental health. That plays a big part in feeling unhappy. Talk to the people closest to you and/or a medical professional when you need support. Having a bad day once in a while is different than only having a good day once in a while.

8 Mistakes We Make Over and Over that Make Us Feel Unhappy

I have made all of these mistakes in my life, more than once. They were easy to repeat and I hardly recognized I was making them until I felt sad or bad. They always made me feel unhappy! Now, by living with less, moving more slowly and being more present, I can be more intentional and avoid making them again. If you notice you feel unhappy as a result of making some of these mistakes, be gentle with yourself as you start to change your patterns. You deserve that.

1. We put too much weight on the end result.

We’ve all heard the saying, “It’s about the journey, not the destination,” but when we feel unhappy working towards a goal it’s usually because we are so focused on where we are going, or how far away we are that we forget where we are now, and why we are pursuing this goal in the first place. Check in. Maybe the goal needs to change. Was it even your goal to begin with or an expectation that someone else had for you? What parts of the journey are you enjoying, which parts are you doing because you think you have to in order to make it to the goal you might not care about anymore? Give yourself permission to take a new path, even if you don’t know where it will end up.

2. We forget that what we have is what we really wanted at some point.

When we feel unhappy with what we have; a job, a relationship, where we live, what we own, what we wear or anything else, it’s time to remember that once upon a time, these were the things we really wanted. What changed? This isn’t to say that things should stay the same, but connecting with some level of appreciation for what you’ve created may help you see things in a different light. Even if it is time to let go of something, gratitude for how you got there could make you feel happier during the transition.

3. We let guilt and regret distract us from our lives.

Guilt and regret remove us from our lives. We feel unhappy and we struggle to reconnect with the present moments and simple pleasures that are right in front of us. You might feel guilty when you don’t feel like you got enough done, or when you have to say no or set a boundary with someone you love. You may even feel guilty when you get sick and have to take time off to rest. People tell me they feel guilty for relaxing and doing nothing or not attending an event they don’t want to attend. If you can relate and have felt guilty for these things, I’d like to suggest that you aren’t feeling guilty. Instead, you are feeling discomfort for taking care of yourself.

4. We do too many things.

It’s true. We have a lot to do and keep up with but we often make the mistake of measuring who we are by what we get done so we never feel like we are doing enough. Or, we compare ourselves to others who are doing more and try to catch up. The real mistake here though is ignoring our own personal time and energy availability. Instead of asking, “how much can I get done?” ask, “How much do I want to give or how much do I have to give?” It may feel selfish to even ask the question. If it does, check in on how you are feeling. Overwhelm, exhaustion, and having no idea what delights you anymore are a few of the signs and signals that indicate you’ve given yourself to everyone but you.

5. We care too much about what other people think.

Caring less about what other people think is the ultimate form of self-care. Usually, when we think people are thinking about us, they aren’t. And when they are, their thoughts are more about them, or their mood or their point of view. What would you do if you cared a little bit less about what they thought, what their expectations were, and who you thought you were supposed to be for everyone else? What would you make if you weren’t worried about sharing it and hearing anyone’s thoughts on your art? Who would you be if you trusted you first and the rest was just background noise that you could turn down as needed?

6. We let everything around us affect what’s within us.

When I feel hurried, anxious or chaotic, I ask myself, “Is this within me or around me?” It’s usually around me and I can remind myself that it’s not my responsibility to absorb the rush or the chaos. This is a practice of course but your nervous system will thank you. Even small moments of slowing and calming your insides will help. Things can be calm within me even when it’s chaotic around me.

7. We don’t know when it’s time to let go.

Holding on to things that weigh you down will make you feel unhappy. We convince ourselves that letting go of things is hard, so we hold on. The truth is that holding on is harder. We have to hold on every day, questioning our decisions and keeping things in our lives that weigh us down. Whether you want to let go of stuff and clutter, a relationship, a job, an old goal, idea, thought or belief, give yourself permission to know when it’s time.

8. We don’t prioritize taking care of ourselves.

When you feel unhappy, see if one or more of these mistakes are contributing to how you feel. Notice these mistakes in your own life so you can stop the cycle of repeating them over and over again.