Too often people overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the value of making good decisions and small steps of progress on a daily basis.
Youâre probably familiar with whatâs known as the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thereâs an important lesson here â one thatâs very often glossed overâŠ
When a chaotic reality is swirling around us, we often try to relieve our anxiety by exerting our will over external things we cannot control.
It helps us stave off one of the most dreaded feelings: complete powerlessness.
With that in mind, I have good news and bad news.
The bad news is that generally speaking, almost everything is outside your control. What other people do, whether it will rain tomorrow, whether or not your efforts will be appreciated â all of these outcomes depend on factors that arenât YOU.
But thatâs also the good news.
The friction and frustration created by trying to change things you cannot change is the crucible where a ton of unhappiness is born. Accepting that most things are outside your influence gives you explicit permission to let them unfold as they may.
Stoic philosopher Epictetus put it this way:
âSome things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our actions.â
Overcoming the âthree big unâsâ that so many of us struggle with daily â unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next â begins with understanding what you can control and what you cannot.
The mental shift here is not easy. Most of us have spent a lifetime worrying about things that we canât control. Society practically encourages this. For most, itâs a bona fide habit â one that should be replaced with a healthy understanding of how much we can actually change. Again though, itâs hard to get your mind wrapped around all this when youâre constantly hearingâŠ
âWhy donât you just get over it?â or âJust let it go.â
Weâve all heard some flavor of this advice before. And it passes the sniff test, to a certain extent.
I mean, âtime heals all wounds,â right? Well, yes⊠sort of. But wounds heal differently depending on how theyâre treated.
Left alone, a gash in your skin will leave a large scar and be vulnerable to injury again in the future. This is why we get stitches â it helps the wound heal in a way that limits the chance of re-injury down the road.
Emotional wounds work the same way. Given enough time, most emotional pain will diminish â thatâs true. ButâŠ
Just âGetting Over Itâ Leaves Scars
In the emotional sense, scars equal baggage â baggage we carry with us into every aspect of our lives. These scars grow and accumulate until one day you wake up suffering from one or more of the âthree unâsâ (unhappiness, unconvinced things will ever change, unsure what to do next).
So, donât get over it. Go through it, one step at a time.
Honestly, I understand the desire to âget overâ difficult experiences or situations rather than facing them. Revisiting painful memories or facing our present demons is really, really hard. And we as human beings are hard-wired to not cause ourselves pain.
However, as our parents taught us, ignoring a problem doesnât make it go away.
And in addition to the scars, to ignore or downplay a wound puts you at risk for infection, emotionally as well as physically.
Unresolved issues in your life take up residence in your mind and influence your decisions, your relationships, and your attitudes. They rob you of your happiness and potential.
Of course, doing the hard yet necessary things to resolve your issues and heal your wounds can feel impossible. This is how Marc and I felt a decade ago when we were knocked down and stuck in a rut after simultaneously losing two loved ones â including my dear brother â to self-harm and illness. It was nearly impossible to move anywhere significant when we didnât feel we had the strength to push forward.
So if youâre feeling this way now â like itâs impossible to make significant progress today â you arenât wrong for feeling what you feel. In many cases, youâre right: significant progress comes gradually with time and consistency. Itâs all about taking one tiny positive step at a time, and staying the course.
Consider the following section, which is an excerpt from âThe Good Morning Journalâ:
The Power of Tiny Changes
Think about the fact that it only takes a one degree change in temperature to convert water to vapor, or ice to water. Itâs such a tiny change â just one step in a different direction â and yet the results are dramatic. A tiny change can make all the difference in the world.
Now consider another example where a tiny change is compounded by time and distance. Perhaps youâre trying to travel somewhere specific, but youâre off course by just one tiny degree in the wrong directionâŠ
- After one mile, you would be off course by over 92 feet.
- If you were trying to travel from San Francisco to Washington, D.C., you would land near Baltimore, Maryland, over 42 miles away from your desired destination.
- Traveling around the world from Washington, D.C. back to Washington D.C., youâd miss by 435 miles and end up landing near Boston instead.
- In a spaceship traveling to the moon, a one-degree error would have you missing the moon by over 4,100 miles.
You get the idea â over time and distance, a mere one-degree change in course makes a significant differenceâŠ
This same philosophy holds true in various aspects of our lives. The tiniest and most fundamental things we do each day â positive and negative alike â can make all the difference. They either bring us closer or farther away from where we ultimately want to be. And yet, we mostly ignore this reality. We default to behaving as if our daily actions wonât ever be significant enough. Or, again, we try to exert control over the bigger things we have no control over.
Think about itâŠ
- How many people uphold unhealthy and unproductive habits?
- How many people wait around and procrastinate on the next positive step?
- How many people live every day of their lives moving one degree away from where they ultimately want to be?
Donât be one of them!
Truth be told, everyone travels 24 hours a day whether theyâre moving in the right direction or not.
How much richer would your life be if you committed yourself to making just one degree of effort toward improving something about your situation each day?
And even though it will surely be harder than doing nothing, it doesnât even have to be anything that hard. You just need to muster up the courage to break free from the status quo and take one small, fundamental step forward today, and then do it again tomorrow.
Pick something tiny and productive to improve upon, and then make it a daily habit.
Doing so will make all the difference in the world â it could literally change your life â just a few short weeks down the road.
Now itâs your turnâŠ
Yes, itâs your turn to focus on those fundamental yet life-changing steps today. So give yourself some credit right now for how far youâve come, and then take the next step forward.
But before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. đ
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